I just cut my nipple shaving
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
