does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
