There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
