who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
