It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize