oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
