Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
