angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
did i just pee glitter
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