He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
