Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
