Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
