Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
