I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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