I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
