I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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