Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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