he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
