did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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