The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
