i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
