i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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