she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize