Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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