If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just invented taco cereal.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
