guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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