im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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