HIV tests are more positive than that guy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
