you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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