Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
