she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
