Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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