It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
