Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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