WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
