Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
