Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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