Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
