Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
