you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
