Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
