He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
