if you like me you must not know who I am
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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