Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
