ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
