Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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