dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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