my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
