Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
