New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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