some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
