Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
