the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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