I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
