Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
