he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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