so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize