Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dick has a subreddit
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
