He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
