i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
