so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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