My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
