didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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