Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
