the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
