He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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