I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
