There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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