i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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