Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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