if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize