you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
