This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
