he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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