too bad you live with your parents still
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
