I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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